Sex and Intimacy in a story/novel can seem like a difficult thing to do. Alright, so I realize talking about it may be a touchy subject at times. Whatever your thoughts are about it, come on, keep reading. Maybe if you read about it, then it will be easier to write about it.
Some novels out there strictly for adults (in the erotica genre), can describe sex scenes in much detail but those of us not writing in that genre may find it to be a bit more difficult. We try to think of ways to describe the intimacy without sounding too explicit but still wanting to describe enough detail to get the point across.
It all starts with a kiss. That moment when we as writers and readers realize that there may be more to that moment later in the story. How far will they go in your novel is up to you. Will they even get to the point of sex? Or was that kiss all you will give your readers? There is no rule that you have to go into any more detail, but if you choose to then it should be done in a believable way.
Personally I’ve read many novels that the woman just basically, immediately give in to the man because he is “so dreamy”. I get so annoyed by this because any normal woman would tease the guy a bit, resist a little and depending on the situation refuse to all together the first time. When you as the writer are having them tease that something will happen, it will create questions that the reader will need answered. Making them have to read more to find out. If you have them give in right away (unless its a story that specifically has to start that way) then the reader has no question as to where their relationship may lead.
Once you get past the first kiss, then there is the next step. Do they have sex and skip the other steps? Not always, many times there are more moments in between.
- A seductive glance
- Make out session in the car.
- Wandering hands
- Clothes being removed but not fully getting to the ultimate deed
- A hickey on the neck
- Oral sex (in some cases before)
Many things can happen before the most intimate moment. There can be interruptions that cause both your characters and readers to be on edge waiting for their love to be officially consummated. You can describe those moments enough just to give the readers a little insight into what may happen later in the novel.
When you finally get to that special moment. When your characters finally have sex (depending on your novel, sex may not really be about love at first and that’s fine, I am just giving advice on the types of intimate scenes I write about), there are different levels (I’ve found) in which you can describe it.
-You can go as light as a cheesy television romance movie (not judging, I even watch them from time to time, to get my fluffy, cheesy romance fix in lol)
- They kissed passionately for a whole minute, hugged, laid down together. Then they woke up and made pancakes in the morning.
-Next step up, older teen romance type novels
- They made out, took off their shirts, she grinded on him with clothes on. They are naked under the covers. He grabbed her chest, she felt the front of his pants etc. Then they have hickeys on their necks in the morning, or wake up next to each other.
-The third step being the adult level. Where you describe details but not to the extent of the more explicit novels…. (This is the level I am at in my writing, I’m not going to describe in detail parts of the body but I describe actions)
- For example…Their tongues mingled together, he felt every curve of her body, she felt his excitement, she reached to unbutton his pants sliding them down below his hips, he lifted her against the wall, positioned himself into her, moving in all the right ways until they both cried out in ecstasy. Maybe some handcuffs or lingerie is thrown into the scenes as well. (This is not all the ways to describe at this level but you get the point).
-Finally you can go full on erotica (which is not quite as far as I go in what I write) but some people do.
- Which can be so detailed as to describe the look, taste, and feel of many different parts of the body.
Whatever level in which you choose to write about sex just try to keep it fresh. A reader can get bored reading about the same sex or intimate scene over and over. Try to mix up location, at home, car, movie theater etc. Or location in a home, bedroom, shower, kitchen etc. Give the level of romance that you want to portray. Just because they are having sex at whatever level you choose to describe does not mean you need to omit the romance, it doesn’t have to be at the cheesy romance level to include it.
We all know how to have sex, and in real life we all need a little wooing lol, so make sure to include that. It’s less believable in my opinion for the characters to just all of a sudden agree to have sex without anything leading up to that point. Don’t be afraid to write about sex and intimacy, just figure out what level you want to write at and go from there. It will help you figure out how to write it.
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Until next time….JUST KEEP WRITING.
Tiffany’s Writing Journey 